Nick Westbrooks: For the Ladies: 4 Reasons Why You Should Tell Him You’re Not Interested
August 18, 2012 1 Comment
By Nick Westbrooks
From time to time, I log onto Facebook, and see one of my female “friends” post a status stating something to this effect: “If I didn’t answer after the fifth time, why does he think I’m gonna answer now? He should get the hint.”
I don’t know. He may have gotten the hint or he may just believe that persistence is attractive, there was a technical issue, she overlooked his message or she was busy and didn’t get around to writing him back. I just named four possibilities why a guy would continue to message a female after not receiving a reply back, but there are probably many more.
I’m not a relationship expert, but I’m a logical thinker and I try to say and do what makes sense. The logical thing to do in this type of situation would be for the young lady to end the speculation and tell this guy directly that she’s not interested. But it seems like my generation is a generation of cowards in terms of communication. For whatever reason, we love to “beat around the bush” and avoid expressing our feelings openly. And being a part of the era of text messaging and social networks, we also avoid verbal and face-to-face communication.
I’ve provided four possible reasons why young women should tell young men that they’re not interested instead of hoping they get the hint. This isn’t gender specific; both young men and women avoid straight-to-the-point honesty, but I chose to address the young ladies, since they openly complain about this issue the most.
1. Telling him how you feel saves time.
You complain that he keeps texting and sending messages to your inbox, but you never asked him to stop or tell him that you’re not interested in conversing with him. Maybe if you did this, he wouldn’t have any doubts that you don’t want to talk to him. He won’t believe that you just didn’t receive his message or forgot to write back, because people do honestly forget to respond or mistakenly overlook messages.
It works in favor of both parties. The guy may be hurt that you’re not interested, but at least he knows that he can stop wasting his time by contacting a girl who doesn’t want to be bothered. He can move on to someone or something else if he pleases.
2. Telling him how you feel may minimize harm.
I had a good friend that told me she wasn’t interested in a particular young man, but she didn’t want to tell him because he’s a “sweet” person, and she didn’t want to hurt him. Personally, I’ve been in situations where I tried to find ways to let a girl down easily. Based on experience and observation, the best way to turn someone down without hurting him or her too much is to let that person know from the start that you’re not interested.
There’s no way to absolutely avoid hurting someone, but you inflict more pain when you leave that person guessing for a long period of time, while that individual builds up more feelings for you as time passes. You can’t be afraid to express your feelings, and you can’t be afraid of hurting someone, because in most instances, it will be unavoidable.
3. Telling him how you feel leads to less miscommunication.
As I mentioned at the beginning of this post, there are several reasons why a woman doesn’t respond to a man’s messages or texts that are unrelated to her interest in him. Women may believe they’re ignoring them, but men may misinterpret their nonresponses as “She probably didn’t get it, she just forgot to write back. Let me send another message to remind her, or if I’m persistent she’ll see that I’m really serious about wanting to get with her.”
Ladies, tell him clearly and directly how you feel so he knows for sure that the reason why you’re not responding is that you’re not interested in him. There is no room for misinterpreted messages.
4. Telling him how you feel may lead to better overall communication habits.
It takes courage to express your feelings to someone, especially if you have to tell them something that he or she probably doesn’t want to hear. Once you do it, you realize that it’s not that bad, and you start the habit of being direct with people. You’re not only open enough to directly turn down a love or lust interest, but you’re also direct with the sales rep in the mall, your uncle asking for money and that co-worker that gets under your skin.
He may very well pick up on your hint, but he can never be too sure, and he knows better not to give up too easily. End all of the doubt, consider his feelings and save everyone some time by being straightforward and to the point. And ladies keep this in mind: He may be annoying you with all of the messages, but he still deserves respect. Be as honest and direct as possible, but be respectful.
On the other hand, some guys just don’t take no for an answer. In this case you may have to “unfriend” or block him on your social networking site, but at least you decreased the room for miscommunication by expressing directly and clearly how you feel.